Flora & Cam - early 1998

Advice to the lovely couple: Your the reason that sanitariums were created, you should have moved into one of those instead of moving in with me...

RATINGS (1-10, 1 being not a lot and 10 being off the charts)
Flora Cam
Spoiled (2) (0)
Crazy (10) (4)
"Blonde" (1) (3)
Slutty (1) (0)
Irresponsible (10) (9)
Drug Addled (2) (5)
Anal (0) (0)

Unlike most kids who move out of their parents houses, my parent moved out of mine. Two months notice and my mom was out the door into a studio, which was a glaring hint that I wasn't invited to move with her. I didn't know if I'd be able to stay where I was, at the house I had lived in for the past 6 years, so my boyfriend and I decided to move in together and we started looking for a place. We put up a notice at the local cafe and the local laundromat, which was the thing to do back in the 90's (think Reality Bites, the movie).

I got a call from a woman named Flora who had an apartment her and her boyfriend Cam had been living in with 2 other girls, and the girls had just moved out. Flora and Cam were not on the lease (which was normal in Santa Cruz, where I am from) and had to move out for a month while they reapplied. Flora and Cam invited me and my bf to move in with them once they were accepted back into their apartment. This couple seemed a little too old for us, and as a future fashion student I was appalled by Floras multi-colored neon windbreaker, so we decided we did not want to move in with them. BUT, we realized that if we they stayed with us for a month, during their application process, we would have time to find some permanent housemates, which would allow us to stay at my house instead of having to move.

This seemed like a good idea, but this is a housemate horror story, so I'm sure you are not at all suprised at what I'm about to tell you? Flora and Cam went to the landlord, who knew they were staying for the month and got on the rental agreement WITHOUT telling us, and next thing we knew they were there to stay. Cam had no job and Flora was a little weird but it wasn't that bad at first, just not what we had wanted. AND THEN...

... Flora went off the medications we didn't know she was on and LOST HER EVER LOVIN' MIND!!! Turned out she was on disability for being basically insane - Surprise! She started talking in fragmented sentences saying things like "what are you doin? I'm just... I love peaches, they're really... went to the beach last night..." NEVER finishing a thought. Than she started barging into our room and looking through our stuff IN FRONT OF US. And when we locked her out, she would pound on the door. One day she broke the lock to get in. She also walked in on my bf in the shower, kept gabbing to him and wouldn't leave the bathroom. He had to get out of the shower and leave the room to get away from her. And Her and Cam would fight for 12 hours straight - no joke (from sundown to sunup). Oh, and Flora blocked all the doorways with couches, so we had to hurdle through the house like trackstars. She also frequented the neighborhood bar and liked to bring people home to party when it closed and then freak out on them once they'd gotten comfortable. SHE WAS SO CRAZY!

By this time, my bf and I always snuck into the house, tiptoed to the bedroom and put the TV on the lowest volume just so Flora wouldn't know we were home. It was at this point that we contacted the landlord to get them out.

Our landlord was more than happy to evict them (just about every neighbor had complained as well), and he did, but he also told them the house was being bulldozed hoping they would leave earlier. The landlord asked us to pack up our stuff and pretend to be moving too in order to instigate their move. We packed up everything we owned, but by Flora and Sam's final eviction day they still hadn't packed a thing. In the end the landlord had to pay them an undisclosed sum of $ to get them out. And they were finally gone! Or so we thought...

... 3 days later we had some friends over, (something we couldn't do with Flora and Cam in the house, since the house was always trashed and they scared everybody, including us) and we heard banging on the back door. Whattya know Flora was back demanding that we let her in. When we asked what she wanted she yelled over and over, "I want my toilet seat back", "Give me my toilet seat," and when we refused to let her in the house she broke the window, threw a bottle at my friends head and chased me through the house while I dialed 911.

The cops arrested Flora and we couldn't have been happier. Until we realized that the spare bedroom, which was a detached room 12 feet from the house was not empty like we had thought, but filled with Flora & Cam's stuff. In fact it looked like a fully furnished bedroom. The only moving they did was from one bedroom to another... God knows how we missed it. So we stacked their stuff outside the back gate and gave them 3 days to get it out, which is what they did, and luckily they stayed out. After that we were finally psycho free... and then came the hippies...